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Control Issues

Updated: Oct 1, 2021


Imagine you are on your Journey to healing and your crossing a sea, beautiful and graceful. A sea full of water and open opportunity. And you’re in the middle of an ocean so still. Too far from the land you once knew and not close enough to the land you’re going to. Yet the beauty of where you are is breath taking. Coming to your new place does not eliminate storms. So that same still sea only needs one shift in the earth to become one of the deadliest storms for any boat, especially a little one not close to land.

A storm that makes you feel like you are drowning, like you can’t see a straight path forward. A storm where every time you pick your head up a wave of emotions, fear, sadness, anger and frustration overwhelm you. Where you feel like not even a pillow can save you right now because you don’t need help floating you need to be rescued. You begin to question whether leaving land was the best decision even though before the shift you were engulfed with the beauty of the nature you were surrounded by.

A storm where the waves are hitting so fast and so hard you can’t breathe. Where the boat and transportation you thought was going to get you to the next place is torn apart. The transportation becomes the problem because how else are you going to get there. You can’t build a boat in the middle of the ocean. You can’t swim to the other side on your own. You can’t get to your next phase in life on your own.

Anxiety would tell you that you aren’t going to make it, it’s too far. Depression would tell you that drowning out isn’t really suicide because your not going to make it anyway. Anxiety would tell you; no one sees you and no one will save you. Depression will remind you that you don’t have anything, the boat is gone, food is gone, your life is over. Anxiety reminds you that you could have stayed where you were it was safer there. Depression says give up sis, this isn’t for you! By now even the Mentally Me Facebook group can not save you, because, well your phone wasn't waterproofed.

Where God says, be still and know that I am God. In the midst of the storm recognize that I am still God. That I have a means for you to get to the place that I have for you. That this storm is going to position you. This storm is the transportation for you to get to that place and possibly reroute you to where you are supposed to be. You will be so surprised when the storm settles and the skies are clear how close you are to that next place. This is still apart of the plan. You definitely need is an impact session where God can take over and help you see your way through.

I know it’s a lot easier said than done to still trust God in the midst of a storm. I had been fasting regularly before my mother passed and when she did leave I knew that God was still in control. So I kept my trust in him knowing that my mom was apart of his plan. That she was no longer suffering. And then the storm never stopped. My journey to healing just keeps on going.

The waves got harder and the little boat I did have was torn apart. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning because I would like to just grieve but there’s the business side of death, the family, and the waves of life moving on. I know my momma is in a better place and I am reminded every time I look at my memorial pillow. Yet not a day goes by that I don’t wish it could’ve been different. That I don’t wish she could be there at my wedding or plan my baby shower. Controlling my delivery in the hospital for my first child, seeing me walk down one more stage, helping me decorate my first home so on and so forth.

Yet, I find myself dealing with waves and not having transportation to get to this next stage in life. Literally, just when I think I can breathe I pick my head up above the water and the vehicle I do have can not be driven. My anxiety says that this is too much but the God In me says this is still Gods plan. I have moments when the sea is calm and I look and I am in awe of what God has created. When I see that the vision for agapeinmo-tionstudios.com is developing into a butterfly to help shift the stigma of mental health and bring women inner growth and healing.

I have learned to just be still because some things are out of my control. To stop trying to build the boat that I did have in the midst of an ocean. Sometimes we have to let go of what we thought was going to get us to a place so that God can provide something even better. To let God do what God does best, provide and make a way out of no way. I know that God sees me, even when I think no one else does. I know that God loves me and because I continue to wake up everyday I know that there is more for me. So I sit back on one of my pillows to remind myself that God’s got me.

So today, I challenge you to be still in the midst of your own storm. He can calm the waves he just want to know that you still trust him. Take a moment to thank him in the midst of everything you feel you have lost, what have you gained, what do you still have, what are you grateful for. For me, I still have beautiful nieces and nephews, I still have my family, I still have the mobility of my limbs, I still have a smile that works.

I am so grateful that I have a roof over my head, that I have friends who will support me, that my business is providing some income and where it doesn’t God has never let me down to fill in the gaps. I am grateful that my dog thinks I can do no wrong, I am grateful that I can smell, see and taste the things God has created. I am grateful for my life because I could have let depression and anxiety win. I am grateful that I was able to raise $320 with IOBY to help fund six women for a pillow therapy workshop this august for free. Although I wanted to do more I am not angry with small beginnings. I believe for those six women it is going to be a life changing experience. To talk about the storms we find ourselves in and release the pain of trying to figure it out on our own.

I have gained experience through this storm that allows me to write about it, I have gained knowledge in this storm that allows me to help others. I have gained new products such as the mentally me coloring book that is soon to come, so stay tuned for email updates. Because honestly coloring gives me a moment to see things differently and color a new picture. Had this storm not presented itself the way that it has, my passion to help communities would not be present. My ability to begin mentorship would not have sparked.

What are you grateful for, what do you thank God for? It can be as big or small as you want it to be. Learning to appreciate where you are allows you to let God handle it. Because as you are being grateful, your mind is busy on things of him as he is busy rebuilding and preparing you for what is next. I believe that after this storm in my life I will arrive swimming distance if not on the shore of the place God has for me. All of my Mentally Me Queens will be the first to know about the newest island God has placed me.

I believe that this place is like nothing I have ever seen, that it is filled with joy I now I have writing to you. That when I do breathe and I mean really breathe I will take in all that God has for me. I believe that there are new levels and new heights that God wants to take me to. Which may even reposition how I handle life right now. That the place I am going will be designed specifically for me. This place will also come with it’s own set of challenges and mountains to climb but I will remember this particular storm in my life and I will continue to hold on to Gods promises.

Know this, if you find yourself in a storm, where your means of getting to your next place seems to be cancelled trust God anyway. Put your trust in God because you have done enough. You can’t solve everything and honestly why take a test blind when the teacher is giving you all the answers. Also, don’t ignore God sent people. If he sends you an email to get enrolled in the 4-week Journey to Healing Course and you have that pulling feeling because you know its time for your healing, then enroll. Even if your not ready yet, its about healing so just accepting the invitation to join the Mentally Me group where you are surrounded by a community of people who want to see you make it to your island.


Do it for you, because God wants to see you through.



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