Updated: Mar 1, 2021
Your freedom may be right in front of you!
Imagine, being in a place that is both dark and dreary. There are no open windows, a glimpse of light at the end of the hallway. There is not enough room in the room that you are in. There is a bed and there is a toilet. You begin to look around the room and it feels like you are spinning. Then you look over and notice the bars. A prison, I found myself in a prison. The only thing is when the spinning stopped, I noticed something. The door was open. Here I was, spinning in a prison cell with an open door.
My recently published book Little Red: The Power of Transparency, talks about a lot of my past. Sometimes, our past can be the biggest prisons that exist for us. I had seen firsthand the effects of poverty, incest, molestation, abandonment, suicide ideation and more. I carried things around like they were not affecting me.
Sometimes, we can find ourselves in a prison, with an open door. God has called many of us to our healing. He has even delivered us from the pain of our past. But somehow, we see an open door and we do not leave. We stay in guilt, shame and brokenness, we circle around and around and yet God says we are free. There is nothing that you have done or has been done to you that can separate you from the love of God.
Last year, I was in a really bad place, mentally, physically and emotionally. Those things in my book that I thought I dealt with were coming back up full force. God put me in a place where I actually had to deal with those issues. In 2015, I attempted to take my life and yet no one knew. God prevented every opportunity and even showed me my reason to live. Yet, after that moment I acted like it never happened.
I spoke on it a few years later but I did not deal with it. I never really had an opportunity to deal with anything. I wrote it all out, I felt great and then my world stopped. I was finally in a position where I was not planning anything big or doing anything major. I mean God had did so much for me between 2015-2020. In 5 years, God allowed me to graduate 4 times with the end degree being a masters in Public Administration from Cleveland State University. I traveled 3 times across the world, to France, Israel, and South Africa. I worked in a Marketing position and then started my own business. I was ordained an evangelist at God’s Kngdom International Ministries. Even got engaged to love of my life. To top it all off we all survived 2020, shoot my inspirational pillows prospered in 2020 and I published my first book, talk about pillow talk.
Yet among all of those blessing I had reached a point in my life that took me back to 2015. I had accomplished all the goals I had on my list and I was at a what next moment. Mone’t Roberts did not have anything next. No big accomplishments, no sudden moves, and I was reminded of my past. Here I was free the last five years and I found myself back in my prison.
Those same thoughts of suicide eroding, the voices in my head that said poverty will always be my portion. The fear of not succeeding and not really knowing what was next. The pressure of having to put on a face because I was supposed to be happy. In all honesty I kept telling myself what do you have to be sad for. Yet I still found myself in a prison I was free from.
We can all find ourselves there, searching and yearning for more yet not even realizing the beauty in where we are. God says there is greatness in store for each and everyone of us. Your healing may not be right now in this moment, but it belongs to you. Healing does not just come overnight but take time to let healing set in. Take time to let God sit with you and your pain, to get in a quite space and let him talk to you right where you are.
It was in the moment of wanting to give up, when I sat on my couch and had the comfort of pillows behind me. The positivity that I got from being surrounded by not only comfort but words of affirmation. Pillow talk, that is what I got, I could not really talk to many other people because let me face that facts, to me there were bigger issues.
That is when I realized counseling was needed. I kept beating myself up because I felt broken and I wanted to be fixed. When truthfully there was nothing broken about me. There was a blessing in counseling that has truly impacted my life. God granted me an opportunity for an Emotional Support Animal. Something I think I have always needed and just never got.
His names Chino, he knows when I am sad and takes my mind off of the routine schedule of life. Making pillows takes time, especially when you want to give people the best product you can, sometimes it can be all day and he reminds me to take breaks during that day. There was something that happen the other day that almost scared the living day light out of me. My heart was racing, my anxiety was up and I immediately went to the worst case scenario. I had gotten a call from the dog sitter Chino had escaped and he could not be found.
Apparent they thought he was sleep and left the door open. He seen that opportunity and he ran with it. I was terrified, all I could think of is the fact that I live in Ohio and at the time there was like 8 feet of snow. We found him, thank God, but he taught me something that day. Though others may not see you moving, though you may even want to stay sleep, when a door opens, you take your opportunity and you run with it.
As an author and business owner I would have never thought that God would have taken me this far. Shifting my business back into ministry promoting healing through the same pillows that comforted me, the exact book that helped me explore my healing and finally stepping in to advocating for the importance of our mental health. Join the free Mentally Me group on Facebook and stay in tune for a journey of healing.